Show them how to take care of themselves

Lead By Example – Do What You Say

We talk about burnout all the time. It’s a word that has become almost cliché in modern workplaces, yet its reality is felt everywhere. We acknowledge that there should be separation between work and the rest of life. We remind people to take their breaks, to eat lunch, to use their sick days. As bosses or leaders, we say things like, “Please, take care of yourself,” or “Make sure you block off your calendar and close your door if you need time.” But too often, these words are hollow. They float around as good intentions, yet rarely translate into action.

I’ve heard nearly every boss I’ve ever worked for preach about self-care. They tell their teams to take the time they’re allotted, but then something strange happens: people don’t actually do it. They keep working through lunch. They come in sick. They push themselves until exhaustion. This isn’t because they weren’t given permission—it’s because permission alone doesn’t erase the culture they’re steeped in.

In American working culture, the implicit message is clear: to take a break is to slack off. To take a sick day is to be unreliable. To sit in the breakroom for thirty minutes is to neglect your duties. And while in some environments this pressure is explicitly reinforced, in others it still lingers even when leaders insist it’s okay to step away. There’s a deep, underlying drive to always look productive—a fear of being perceived as the one person not carrying their weight. It’s less about the actual rules and more about the unspoken expectations.

So what’s the cure? First, it’s important to recognize that words alone won’t cut it. If your company really does punish people for taking breaks or using their benefits, then the issue is structural—and no amount of encouragement will fix the turnover and low morale that inevitably follow. But let’s say you are one of the leaders who genuinely sees the value of rest, renewal, and professional development. You want your people to take their lunch breaks, use their sick days, and maintain balance. If that’s you, you have to understand this truth: talk is not permission.

The most powerful tool a leader has isn’t policy—it’s example. If you want people to take care of themselves, show them it’s okay by doing it yourself. Block off your calendar for lunch and actually leave your desk. Don’t send late-night emails that make others feel they need to respond outside of hours. Take fifteen minutes to go for a walk and let your team see you step away. There’s a huge difference between telling someone, “Go take a break,” and letting them watch you actually live that advice.

If you want your people to eat their lunches, eat lunch with them. If you want them to pursue professional development, carve out time for your own learning and make it visible. People learn by mimicking behavior more than by following words. They look for what’s modeled, not what’s preached. That’s why “leading by example” remains the most effective leadership tool there is.

And let’s be honest: going out on your own, being the only team member away from your desk during lunch, is a lonely and vulnerable place. Even if it’s technically allowed, it feels risky. You’re the one breaking the pattern, stepping outside the norm. No matter how many times the boss says, “It’s okay,” you can’t leave your people out on that limb by themselves. As a leader, it’s on you to normalize the behavior—to demonstrate that taking care of yourself isn’t weakness but wisdom.

At the end of the day, leadership is about setting the tone. If you work late every night, come in every weekend, and never take breaks, it doesn’t matter how many caveats you add when you tell your team, “That’s not what I expect from you.” Actions always speak louder than words. You can’t lead through exceptions or disclaimers. You have to lead through consistency and presence.

If you truly want your people to take care of themselves, it has to start with you. Not with the memo, not with the policy, and not with the pep talk. With you. Show them that self-care is not just permitted but expected. Demonstrate that rest fuels productivity, and that a healthy workplace is built on balance, not burnout. Because when leaders take care of themselves, they make it possible for everyone else to do the same.